i'm in over my head.

its almost the end of the 1st month of the year.
i have to admit that i'm feeling a wee bit useless now. perhaps even helpless to a certain degree. everything that i planned to do from the start of the year... the passion has been fading... and i come to the realization that somethings just cannot be done.
i'm losing you and it's so effortless...
i hate it when reality spoils my plans. it's my life, so why can't i live it the way i desire to?
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage...
i think perhaps i should start rethinking my new year's resolutions before the month ends. the give myself some sort of direction to work towards for the rest of the year.

a review of my thoughts (things will get messy)...

1. learn to drive - damn man... i get so many people bugging me to start learning. "learn while you're still serving and it will be faster" "go find a private instructor la.. it's cheaper" "aiyo.. why you wanna wait?" hmm... the is a problem (especially for a person doing shift work in a 24/7 enviroment... interestingly enough... most of the comments come from co-workers... so i have come to the conclusion that they are either mad or sleeping on the job). anyway.. i think i'll stick with BBDC (thanks). but what i AM comtemplating is this - doing a 3A instead of a 3C. i remember speaking to a friend about this... she claims that she "doesn't wanna fail on her first try" and so has opted for the auto course. i think she has a point. but then again.. i'll be wasting all the valuable experience from having your car die on you and other bugs that newbie manual drivers encounter.

2. learn japanese - this one. is very interesting. because the interest level here is extremely high. i been looking through many language centres for their courses and have found an incredible amount of great places to go to (at reasonable prices). the only setback... the time factor. damn... i really hate shift work. most courses offered are class-based and so fixed timings for classes are the preferred choice of operations for the centres. alas... poor me now has only 2 options. having a centre that can provide me with a flexible schedule (not likely... but even if they do... it's not very good for me either... cause the teacher might be different every lesson... and other problems) or finding a 1 to 1 tutor that can come upon request (problem here... FINDING one... and the price).

haha... i'm going to stop here. if i carry this on... i think i'll be typing the whole night long.

oh oh oh... but what i do wanna add into my resolution is this...
11. going overseas with friends (haha... see... F for friend k?)
she's on your mind.