it's the eve of chinese new year...

everywhere i turn i see people celebrating... i see them happy... i see the joy streaming across the faces of children with their families and relatives... i see teens running in the streets with their friends laughing and making merry. i see couples at the park enjoying a peacefully moment with one another... lost in a world of their own.

i see myself... so unfestive indeed. a picture of gloomy-ness despite the crowded-ness.
someone asked... have you ever felt alone in a crowded room?
i have now.

i wonder why?
why am i feeling so negated and down?
i should be happy... it's a holiday...
why am i feeling so alone?

it's so different from last year's CNY.
last year's CNY was my saviour... because of it i enjoyed a super long break and didn't have to go through the full 2-weeks of BMT confinement at Tekong. i came home bald... but at least... i came home happy. is it cause i have nothing more to gain that i feel that sense of loss?
is it the grief of being moderately satisifed that i feel this sense of apathy?

anyway... i'll go to sleep tonight...
wishing for a better tomorrow...

oh yeah... today was my mummy's birthday too. =)